What if I don't have to make this better?

Things I learn from an OCD season :: ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED ON APRIl 11th 2022

Isn’t that a scary thought to start entertaining?

Everything could always be better…

Everything could always be worse.

Now, I have obsessive compulsive disorder. I have had it since I was a child. And for the large part, nervous system health really helps me not be superbly invested in various obsessions or compulsions.

To be clear, I think obsessions or compulsions are different than autistic special interests. Special interests are extremely fun and rewarding and energizing. Obsessions or compulsions make me extremely nervous and uneasy.

So while I am happy I don’t suffer from them much any more, there are seasons in which they come back. I need to do X & Y & Z so that I am okay.

I also have a lot of tools to not get stuck and caught up in some OCD things.

One of the biggest cognitive ones is:

Can I just try to let this be okay?

Because it could always be better.

And it could always be worse.

And even if I get it perfect and amazing, and better, it could always be better after that.

So can I just do my best and just let this be okay? This moment? This couch? This kitchen counter?

During these seasons, I also have to ask myself:

Why don’t I feel safe right now?

I tend to want to control things when I do not feel safe. Which is the case for most of us.

So resolve feeling unsafe first on the nervous system level, and then voila, the need for control is not as great.

So I ask you, dear reader. In your life, what if you don’t have to make it better? What if it’s good enough already? What would that give you back - to know this for sure and accept it as real? Energy? Life force? Joy? Space? Creativity?