A neurodivergent woman's best books

on autistic special interests :: ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED JANUARY 23rd 2024

Dear soft heart,

I gathered my current favorite books and made a resource page on my site for you as I am often asked what books to read-

It’s all split up in my most read categories: neurodivergent non fiction, fiction written by autistic authors, art/creativity/work, literature favs, queer fiction, memoirs, self-help that *actually changed my life*, feminism, trauma literature, favorite contemporary authors and cozy rom coms, as well as current spiritual/philosophy favorites.

Here’s a sneak peak of my neurodivergent non fiction picks.

For the full list go to: emilybeatrix.com/myfavorites

And now for a medium length ode about how writing and reading is life-saving, life-giving, life-affirming:

One of my favorite things to look back on the year for is where my reading practice took me. My reading practice is very important to me. I’ve been reading since I was very small (smol), and reading has literally saved my life many times.

I am starting to reconsider the belief that when people read my writing that it is a completely parasocial relationship. I have been thinking lately how that cannot be true, because I am my truest self in my writing. I am not entirely myself in my writing, of course, meaning there are parts of me that don’t make the pages, and parts of me that cannot make it because those parts are only observed and known if I invite you into my home and we spend days side by side over and over again.

But, who I am in my writing is my true self. Sometimes, it’s the most authentic version of me I can share, across all mediums, so it is real. Socially speaking, I am perhaps the least masked (autistically) when writing, so when someone reads my writing, they are actually in relationship with me.

I looked at the Cambridge Dictionary definition of “parasocial” and it told me this:

involving or relating to a connection between a person and someone they do not know personally, for example a famous person or a character in a book.

Okay, I mean, yeah. If someone reads my book, I may not know them personally, they may not know me personally in this concrete way where we share dinners together, but is it fair to say they don’t me at all personally? I’m not so sure anymore. Also, maybe I do want to have dinners together? Would that be so bad?

I think when you make art, especially as a writer, there are some mental boundaries you need to have to survive it. One of them for me is that how people experience my art is literally all about them, and not much about me because we react to stimulus based on what we are going through - you know, nervous system science and all that.

Another for me, at times has been this idea that people don’t really know me if they read my writing. It creates this sort of protection of like I am not that exposed. I get the whole thing that we as artists, don’t know about all the relationships people have with us, and that they have relationships with us on their own timelines, and we don’t have relationships with them in the same way, therefore, it has to be parasocial. I really do get that reasoning. It’s all true. It is a bit weird to have someone read your work and have this profound connection with you as you are oblivious watching your 4th episode of love island for the evening.

And now, I am thinking more expansively about it all. And I have some questions.

This first reasoning is true, but it also true on the basis of linear time.

When I was writing my memoir, I was in relationship with my readers of said memoir very intimately every day. I would go for walks, I would think of them. I would make food, I would think of them. When I would have conversations, I would be considering them. They were changing me. They were challenging me. They were loving me. They were engaging with me. But they weren’t in that same timeline with me. The same way that I am not in the same timeline with them as they read it. But we are still in very deep relationship to each other.

And I know that is sort of whacky to think about, but I do arrive to the conclusion that art seems to transcend linear time.

I mean, our bodies transcend linear time too, and we aren’t really saying that are we? Even in the most trauma informed space we are still working with linear time. Which I see the value of, of course. I don’t think that should be taken from us - linear time, I mean. It is grounding. The trauma we might be working with is over - our brains do badly need that to orient to. But do our bodies really abide to that as a whole? Fuck no. They don’t give a shit. Our bodies are like I am in 2003 and 2008 and 1995 and in 2018, and in 2024 all at once. I did a lot of regression therapy in 2023 - part of trying to heal illness -that proved this to me even deeper (more on that in upcoming letters.)

So I guess, my question becomes, is it really true that we don’t have relationships with our readers, as writers, as in is it really true they don’t know us personally, and we don’t know them personally? If they are relating to our work, we most likely, have a lot of personal things in common at the very least.

I know that the way I write in my journal, and the way I write in my books or newsletter here is different, because I am aware there is another person involved. I am more thoughtful for one. In my journal I might be like, “Fuck this and fuck that,” and I allow myself more transient, intense, perhaps even ugly, emotions that I know I won’t be beholden to once they pass. However, when I write as a Writer, capital W, I am aware it will impact others. What I mean is I am aware that there is a relationship that gets created through this practice, across perhaps several timelines, that will connect with and impact others. Myself included!

I have to allow myself enough room to exist in my writing in order to stay true to who I am, but I also need to consider how this is very much a relationship - the art of writing, the profession of writing, the calling to write.

We are never alone when writing, and when reading. We are with each other.

This is why I am unsure that we, dear soft heart, you and I, are in an entirely parasocial relationship. You may actually know me, and I may actually know you.

It may not be a marriage, or a relationship that is brimmed with physical intimacy of all sorts, we are not in a child-parent relationship either, we may never eat dinner together (though can we one day? among candlelight? yes?) or rely on each other for several practical matters… but we still exchange energy. We still impact each other, which means, we still matter to each other. We can still be changed and touched and moved by each other. We may even save each other.

And that is something our highly individualistic culture does not acknowledge much, or even place merit or value on.

We are not individuals completely separate from each other is my point. And writing and reading is a way we reclaim that.

I say all this because books have saved my life, and the reason they have saved my life, is that there were real pieces of people that I experienced that mirrored me back to me, or that comforted me and told me I wasn’t alone, or that brought me to a different world and I saw things differently for the first time. Books have healed me, told me uncomfortable truths, illuminated things, made my heart skip a beat, made me nervous and excited and happy and sad and maybe even angry. Books have been the balm for loneliness, and for crisis and for extreme stuck-ness.

Books are alive. Because they are made by us. By real parts of us that are not separate from us as person, and by parts of us that can’t be fully contained into boxes such as professional.

In my memoir, I say, I am not my writing. As much as I would like to be, I am not. My writing is my work. But I am the creator of that work. It comes from me. And that’s what we connect on.

I value storytelling as a crucial feature of survival and joy, for these reasons. My reading practice is not just about reading what’s new or hot, or what everyone else is reading, it is about my wellbeing and the wellbeing of others. So to say that I am in only in a parasocial relationship with the artists I cherish, and that those who cherish me as an artist don’t know me personally, I am not sure I can get behind that fully anymore.

Especially after this year of reading. Reading has been a huge companion of mine. I am a bit less scared of what’s to come in 2024 because I know I can read, I know there are books.

I am not sure I would be here if not for reading. It’s dramatic, but it’s also true. And I feel like we should say it, how much we value stuff, when we do.

Anyway, now that I’ve gone on my time is a construct (?) rant, questioned how we apply a dictionary definition to a concept, and wrote a small desperately sweet ode to how reading saved my life, should I tell you my fav reads of the year 2023?

(YES THEY SCREAM)

Okay here they are, my favorite 3 books of 2023:

Let me break it down:

Eee! One of my favorite parts of being a newsletter writer as part of my job/work is doing book recommendations.

So, the year 2023 started with me being into feminist philosophy, psychology, and energy. I was really into somewhat complicated philosophy/spirituality books that was both breaking my brain and bringing me back to life - namely Paul Levy’s collection of work on Wetiko. I also reread and read several of bell hooks works including communion which changed my life. I reread women who run with the wolves by our girl Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes. I read Gabor Mate’s myth of normal book and loved it. I read Richard Swartz. I read Jessica Dore, and I read all of the Cyndi’s dales books I hadn’t read. I shared a lot of these titles in earlier newsletters in 2023.

Then at some point, I started being really into what I coined… weird girl fiction.

It started with Heather O’Neill’s When we lost our heads - which will probably be one of favorite books of all time from now on. This book was not only weird girl fiction, it was truly intelligent. To say a book was intelligent I think is the best compliment one could give to a book. I highly recommend it on every level.

Then I got into the work of Melissa Broader. And if you know, you know.

What started with me reading about about a bisexual with a severe eating disorder fuelled by mommy issues who falls in love with who she fears being, and is taught how to live (Milk fed), went into me being hooked by a woman with a slight to moderate impulse rage problem who is a complete snobbish unsatisfiable love addict who falls in love with a merman (yes) who she ignores her entire priorities for, only to realize he wants to kill her so they will be together forever (The pisces), which saw me going into enjoying a grieving woman’s desert hike journey which turns psychedelic and mind altering/ expanding about the meaning of life and death and the interconnectedness of it all when serious dehydration takes a hold when she loses her way back to her car and gets stuck out on the trails (Death valley). Also Death valley has so much real quotes about life from the lens of having a diagnosed anxiety disorder and I for one really appreciate that. And such astute descriptions about best westerns. All very important in literature in my opinion.

Melissa Broader’s husband has ME/CFS, which I found really cool to read about in her memoir. Melissa Broader is a genius.

But you get what I mean, right? Weird girl fiction.

My other favorite book of the year was:

Old enough by Haley Jacobson - this one is about being queer and coming of age, and it’s also about rape and rape recovery, but it is done in a way that is not jarring and actually quite healing to read. I recommend if you feel in a space to engage with such traumatizing topics. Haley says she is a gemini that will change your mind about geminis.

Honorable mention:

I loved also The very secret society of irregular witches by Sangu Mandanna. It actually inspired me to start writing my own VERY first novel draft. It follows a displaced witch who finds family. The most wholesome book I read all year.

Fav memoir(s) of the year:

Definitely Page boy by Elliott Page even though some of it was hard to follow timeline wise to perhaps protect the identity of obviously very famous people, I feel the developmental trauma essence being captured and felt and mirrored back in this memoir was so freaking good. The way Elliott poured into this, wow, I was impressed. Also learnt a lot about Halifax - which okay get it Canadian history.

Also really liked quietly hostile - Samantha Irby. I really like Samantha Irby’s books to LOL a bit on the hard days you know? I feel I may have already wrote that here.

Poor little sick girls by Ione Gamble. I really liked this book because it was a cozy place to land when I felt like the whole world was going on without me. Which was a lot this year.

Book that I was like UM?:

I went to a bookstore in august and I picked up A court of thorns and roses because it had been strongly suggested to me by many fellow book friends over the years that I just had to join the club with these books.

Did it disturb me? Yes. Would I read the rest of the series if I had a significantly hard depression to endure and needed to feel alive? Also yes.

Did the goodreads reviews of this book make my year better by making me laugh out loud so hard I spit out water? They were a highlight in fact.

Fav books I read this year by autistic authors:

Emergency contact + Permanent record by Mary K. Choi - both quirky love stories with themes of family - my favorite!

What I mean when I say I am autistic by Annie Kotowicz - this book helped me realize so many autistic things, including that when someone says do your best it is not always literal - highly recommend!

Enchantment by Katherine May - a book about slowing down and reconnecting with the good things of life, I learnt a lot about bees.

Self-help autistic books:

All the autistic books by Dr.Luke Beardon - what a nice man.

Cozy rom coms I read that helped pass the blues:

Lunar love by Lauren Kung Jesseen - this one is about a woman who is in the Chinese zodiac matchmaking business that’s been passed down through her family in LA for generations, and this guy who is making an app based on the Chinese zodiac so he’s threatening her business, and they are apparently super incompatible with their sings, so anyway, will they fall in love?

Happy place by Emily Henry - about a group of six friends who are going on their last group summer vacation. They can’t communicate with each other that well, and they are all hiding things from each other to please each other and not break apart the group or stress each other out because everyone is understandably holding on to the past and not wanting to break the magic, a classic woe of growing up, BUT as the week goes on, they learn that letting each other in and not withdrawing when things get hard, and life is changing, is actually key. A nice friendship and love book.

Delilah Greene doesn’t care by Ashley Herring Blake - about two step-sisters who were forced together by the marriage of their parents, and who stay family only by technicality when Delilah’s father dies and her custody lands with Astrid (the step sister’s) mom. Delilah and Astrid were so different and didn’t get each other and both think the other hates each other, when they don’t. Anyway Astrid is getting married to a real toxic man, and Delilah is hired as the photographer so she has to go back to her hometown from NYC where she escaped as soon as became an adult. She gets back there and falls in love with her sister’s best friend, what will happen? And will Astrid really go through with this wedding? Find out through this book and the following two in the series following this queer group of women.

99 percent mine by Sally Throne - About two privileged twins - a boy and a girl, Jamie and Darcy, who grew up with a poor neighbor, Tom, their parents took in who became their whole world. Tom is best friends with Jamie and therefore, Darcy is off limits. When Jamie and Darcy’s grandmother dies and her home needs to be sold and Tom gets involved, will all the rules of the past no longer stand?

Under the influence by Noelle Crooks - About a girl who works for an outrageous self-help influencer who losses herself in her work that demands to be her whole life too. There is friendship and a lover and a coming back home to yourself after being possessed by the girl boss movement.

Meet me at the lake by Carley Fortune - About a woman, Fern, who’s mother dies and leaves her her Canadian Muskoka summer resort in the will to run that she never really wanted to have anything to do with. Her forever love, her one true true, Will Baxter, shows up to help renovate it and save it from bankruptcy - all somehow arranged by her mother prior to. But can she forgive him for never showing up 10 years ago when they said they would meet at the lake?

What I am currently reading:

The madonna secret by Sophie Strand - Sophie Strand is a mystic and this is her first fiction which also happens to be the the size of a bible. I love it so far.

I really loved reading The flowering wand by Sophie Strand in 2023, which made my ultimate favorite book list on my website that you can check out here.

So now over to you:

What were your top 3 books of the year 2023?

What genres did you gravitate toward, and did it tell the story of where you were at in your life, or showcase something to you about what you needed?

What is your first read of 2024?

I’m not just asking to be polite, I really want to know. Leave a comment.