19 lessons of 2019.

19 macro lessons explained in bullet points:

1. A sorry said is not a sorry done. When people are truly sorry, they will do the repair. You can still move on with your life if they don't.

2. Social media breaks are good and do not make your business fall apart.

3. Being a human saver is NOT the thing that’s going to make you feel like you’re doing enough. Also if this wasn’t clear: you’re not a human life jacket. You can’t save people. This also means clients. Yes, some people will fucking hate you if you can’t or won’t save them. You kind of have to let them hate you until they realize asking you to save them wasn’t helpful. This may take months or years. Or it may never happen.

4. Co-sleeping with other adult humans platonically is correct biologically.

5. Polyamory and or open relationships are not for me. Especially if a man is involved because I’m all like: girl, wanna get out of here and be alone forever? My heart is monogamous.

6. Lead with your sacred vision for partnership while dating so you can weed out people immediately. Save your time for people who share the same vision. You’re going in the same direction. There’s no point in dating anyone who isn’t going the same direction as you are. It will not be regenerative. Even if you try your best to make it so - it’s not rooted in health to try to convince, shift, force or beg someone to get on the same page as you.

7. Days off do not include organizing your gmail account/ doing your accounting while working in bed with half empty bottles of coconut water as a form of “lunch”. That’s ridiculous. You need to have real days off that include nature and long cooking sprints and cuddling a human being and reading a fiction novel.

8. The best way to welcome creativity is to be bored.

9. Forgiveness isn’t about being friends with the people who hurt you. It’s about daring to have a good life even after being hurt.

10. I have immense privilege in being a femme white gay woman and I should use that privilege to educate people when I can and keep learning from more marginalized groups of my community so I can help.

11. Make the hard stuff a bit easier by dousing yourself with pleasure and safety and joy within doing the unpleasant stuff.

12. It’s not asking too much that people remember your birthday. Being that needless and understanding is not getting you what you crave.

13. When in doubt, turn off your phone and write poetry about how you feel. Poetry will be a road map back to your truths, your desires, your wishes. You’ll see them clear as day in the words you write.

14. Don’t date when you wish it was someone else sitting across the table or if you can’t really deliver on the invitations you offer. That’s not fair to who’s actually sitting there.

15. Mom is still your best friend and your favourite travel buddy and your entire world. It’s okay that your mom is one of your primary soulmates. Patriarchy makes you feel weird about it, but it’s not actually weird. It’s sacred and it’s a good thing you forgave each other.

16. Always be nice to everyone you meet, because sometimes making friends with the pilot on the tarmac in Curacao will end up in him opening the cockpit door mid flight, pointing to you and saying come in here. You’ll then see the turquoise ocean from the sky and land on Aruba with two French men you never met who are making you laugh and controlling a small propeller plane over countries that are islands in South America.

17. Sometimes you’ll run into a high school mate who haunted you with her words forever in a gay bar listening to Fletcher downtown Toronto and you’ll finally make peace within. Be available for those kinds of magical resolutions. Let them wash over. Let things go. Let the new arrive fully. Tell the story to everyone even if your best friend is like ARE YOU GONNA TELL EVERYONE ABOUT THIS OR? Yes, yes, you are.

18. Say yes to any opportunity that may lead you to kissing on a lifeguard stand. Extra yeses if a sunset is also involved. The rest can wait. Seriously. Rearrange your life whenever you can for lifeguard stand makeouts and sunsets.

19. The love stuff. There were so many love lessons for me this year, but the main two were that 1) dating was fun, but I’m looking for a wife who fuels my mission and I, hers. My heart is devotional and my spirit is loyal. Those are the gifts I offer. Those whom want these treasures may apply within. I do have a list of who it’s for and who it’s not if you need clarity. And 2) that we are so loveable. Even all of the parts that we think aren’t - those are the ones that also contain our gifts. If you want to celebrate your greatness, you have to celebrate your shadows too.